Changing Old Patterns

I voyaged to Toronto for a few days to find solace and reflect. Ironic, because it is a city full of chaos and constant noise and movement. It was very difficult to find peace and quiet but it was accomplished.
When I left St.Catharines, I expected to find some identity, something to help me find my way back. I don't know, but somewhere along the way I  lost my identity of self as a single young woman. I have attempted relationships and some I truly gave everything I could to try to make it work, and some I let go due to the fact that it wasn't what I was looking for in my life. I was stuck in a pattern of not being alone and I avoided being alone whenever possible.The pattern I created for myself has been one that I recently only recognized as one that I need to break. The problem with breaking patterns is that a pattern is formed over a long period of time, and they are not easy to change. Once they have been established they are hard to break. I have been a relationship addict, and now for the first time I am single with no ties to any guys that way I can truly find identity set apart from them.

I was sitting my hotel room reading Set Apart Feminity by Leslie Ludy, which God purposely kept unread until now. It is helping me recognize my idols. Idols are things that take your affection and attention, things that we place value in that can cause us to live a shallow and non set-apart life. I realized I was placing my affection, trust, and time in things and people who could not save me or add purpose to my life. I lost intimacy with my Heavenly Father, because I became distracted by the worldly pleasures and things of little value in Heaven. I can say without a doubt that losing my connection with my first true love has caused me to seek affection and love elsewhere which hurt myself and others. Human nature is selfish and greedy. It asks for everything and gives little in comparison to what is received. I became selfish without even realizing it.

Selfishness is satisfying the flesh. Giving usually requires starving the flesh. Living a life for Christ requires starving the flesh from worldly pleasures and lusts. I have now decided that I would take some time and be single for a while. I need to go back to my true love. My saviour who saved me and gave me life and purpose. I am breaking old patterns with his help and guidance. I am going to be set apart from the world and choose instead to give everything to the one who deserves it.. This is a radical decision that I am now ready to make. These next few weeks will be difficult for I will have to starve my flesh, but it will bring me closer to the love of my life, my saviour who loves me more than anything and will help me to be the precious princess that He created me to be.