Wow, I just realized how long its been since I have posted. To be honest I just haven't known what to say. Do I say that I am struggling to be content with where I am now even though the bible says I clearly should feel that way? Do I say that I feel a constant cloud over my head that I am fighting to see sunshine through it? Or should I say that lately that I just honestly can't seem to find a job and I think the biggest reason is because I clearly am lacking something though I have no idea what?
For the past month or so I have been fighting depressive moods and fighting being discontent while trying to survive the days and challenge myself to strive to do better. My mind is constantly plagued with the enemy's lies and I am constantly having to speak the word to myself just to keep pressing on. So as you can probably tell I am barely surviving. But you know the funny thing my grandpa is in the hospital today and all I could think about was how on Earth can I deal with this on top of everything else? How selfish is that? But on the bright side I also did stop my day to be with my dad, grandpa and grandma through all the waiting. So I can see that I am clearly making progress because today I woke up and didn't want to even get out of bed but today I helped support my grandma, and my dad and that required me sitting in a hospital waiting room, also seeing the paramedics load him unto a stretcher and run tests and I also handled the schizophrenic/obsessive compulsive man in the waiting room who kept tapping the window, dropping his food and clearly irritating everyone around him. I call that progress. I may not be where I want to be right now but I am starting to see progress even if progress is just getting out of bed and sitting in a hospital waiting room instead of watching tv all day. To me this is progress.
I look forward to Elevation Church's meeting tomorrow! Being a part of a new church that is preparing to launch in the GTA gives me a reason to get out of bed tomorrow and for that I am thankful!
