All this time, you are exhausted from trying to remove the water and trying not to panic and focus that you can't even remember how far away from your course you are headed. You have no vision or idea of where you could go, so you just stay and await the end of the storm, realizing that it has altered the plan and there is no backup plan as of now. You decide to try to get some rest and hope that the anchor will keep the boat in place and that the winds will eventually cease. Zzzzzz.....you nod off.
The sun peaks from the clouds and the wind stills. It is now morning and as you awake you realize that you are nowhere near to where you have been. The storm has caused you to go so far off course and the sails are torn. There is no sign of anything familiar up ahead and as you rise from your place you took refuge from the storm, you realize you are drifting into unfamiliar territory and you have way to contact anyone. You realize you are drifting.
This has been a reoccurring feeling in my life at this point in time. I feel like I am drifting, not going anywhere, no direction just drifting into unfamiliar territory. Terrified. Lonely. Without any direction. Even though I am living every day, I know that what I do each day is not purposeful its as if every action I make is just another one to keep me coasting to the next day. I feel but I can't rest. I have tried countless times. I drift in and out of rest and pain from the overwhelming blows from the storm, a storm that figuratively represents the constant struggle to believe when I do not see the destination. The fight and struggle to keep moving despite not knowing where I am travelling. My heart is torn between feeling secure and insecure due to the overwhelming opinions and doubts that come against my faith. I am aware that the struggle will end, but I am aware that I have drifted and I am unsure of what rocks are up ahead that I could drift into.
I take courage though I am weary and restless. I'm drifting, gradually changing my direction with no idea of where I will stop. Life has storms but many people do not realize the struggle doesn't end after the storm. For there is still the drifting, the uncertainty that reminds you that even though the storm is over you still haven't made it to your destination. You need more fight in you to fix the sails, remove the water, bring the anchor back up and continue on with no compass to direct you.
What I hold onto is the truth that my Saviour is my compass and he will not let me drown. I just wish I knew how to understand what direction he wants to take me. But for now I am drifting until he directs me to drop anchor.
