I have not written for anything for a long while for I did not feel that I had anything important to say or it was too hard for me to share at the time. But this time, I thought what the heck if someone cares to read it then they can, if not it would at least help me process my thoughts. So here it goes... Earlier this year, I had no full-time job, no prospects for the future and I was restless and full of anxiety of the unknown. I felt as though I was in a waiting room. I rested, did what I could in my part-time job and worked on accomplishing small goals I had for this year. I had maybe one piece of the puzzle. If anyone has ever been there you can maybe understand why I was feeling restless.
Honestly, I knew in my heart that eventually I would find my place and the puzzle would be revealed. I knew that eventually God would reveal himself and his plan for my life. He would give me hints right? Eventually, that's what I kept telling myself. Little did I know, I would have to endure a long process of pruning before I would or could even see another piece of the puzzle revealed for I would not be able to handle or see the bigger picture..not yet. See, sometimes, God needs to remove the unnecessary, prune the dead branches, so to speak. He needs to remove what will hinder our growth and process, otherwise we will not bear any fruit or be able to do what God has called us to do.
Anyone who knows me knows that I struggle with opening up my heart to people. I do not trust easily and sometimes I cannot trust at all. Imagine for a second a fruit tree full of dead branches mixed in with a bunch of fruit producing ones. The soil is fertile and it is clearly getting lots of water, however, the dead branches are clinging to the growing ones. The newer branches are struggling to stay connected to the tree. This is the picture of my life before and why God has found it necessary to prune all my dead branches, the dead branches of envy, jealousy, resentment and brokenness. They were clinging to me and stealing all the nutrients out of my life and preventing future growth. the dead branches were full of disease that God wanted to remove.
I have struggled to put the past behind and I still often daily have to give it to God. Honestly, I had a lot of things that God needed to prune away from me. One by one he has. This was a painful process for there were a lot of painful memories that were relived. So much anger and resentment had to be given up and I fought to give it to God for I felt as though it became my identity over time. What would I be without it?
Identity displacement, retrieval of painful memories and lots of crying did not seem worth it at the time. I kept asking God "have you had enough why are you removing these things"? I questioned his process for I could not see at the time how damaging the memories, regrets and resentment were to my present and my future. I could not see that it was vital to my process and to my walk with God.
I could not see the picture on the box I just saw every piece in a messy pile. It did not make sense. Have you been here before. This process has been an ongoing process but it started to truly hurt this past month. For I lost a relationship, unearthed a painful ordeal and put to rest some issues with people. But like any process, there are always phases where there is more pain and others where there is more joy. Pruning, however, I realize is a process that is necessary for healthy growth. I look now at the past month, the past year, and I see God's faithfulness and I see now that he knows what I need and when I need it, and sometimes we need to feel the pain before we can heal.
So if you have some dead branches that need to be pruned from your life do not be afraid to give it to God for there is nothing more rewarding. The process may be difficult and it may take some time but in the end God takes the dead branches so that you can have healthy ones take lift and truly produce wonderful things. I see that now and I am amazed at how wonderful our creator and our Heavenly Father is for only he can take the pain and bring joy.
I have been resting and reminding myself daily of the truth in this chapter found in John (NIV translation):
The Vine and the Branches
15 “I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. 2 He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes[a] so that it will be even more fruitful. 3 You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you.4 Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.
5 “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. 6 If you do not remain in me, you are like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned. 7 If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. 8 This is to my Father’s glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples.,"
Rest assured that when you remain in our gardener's care and allow him to prune you, you can trust that you will not only be connected to the source of life, but will also be taken care of and produce good fruit. Giving our dead branches may be a difficult thing for sometimes they become a part of us, however the reward is much greater than the pain of losing them.
