Procrastination

I took a break from writing about Guatemala for I honestly did not want to start writing 9 more days of stuff that half my journal has mostly about my experiences and intineraries in Guatemala... that's a lot of words that I just haven't seemed to get myself to talk about to anyone yet. I realize that I am a procrastinator and I am not proud of it. But through all that I am dealing with and the ache that is now like a fresh wound that is too raw to talk about, I procrastinate. I was writing about black and white lines and grey areas in my journal last night after being inspired, as an anlogy of how complicated life can be. Life is made up of grey areas and sometimes I use these grey areas to procrastinate and take my time deciding what I should or should not do and the consequences behind each possibility. Even though I had a concept I just looked at what I wrote and decided to just stop where I was just so I could procrastinate the last few lines for they were not coming like the others were. How pathetic am I?

Honestly, I just wish that I could be someone who could write exactly how I feel in such a beautiful and raw way and be able to put music to it. But I have tried and I continue to see that maybe I am just not cut out to be one of those people. Maybe through all my procrastination I see that I may never finish certain songs or poems. I may never produce an album or sing a concert. Honestly, I have tried and tried to find the right words to describe my week and my feelings but nothing seems to do it justice. So how could I expect to write a song or even lyrics when I cannot even describe how I am feeling right now. I just don't seem to have that ability like some people. So I write in my journal and keep it to myself and hope that one day I have the courage to take it to the next level.

Who knows maybe one day I will see things differently and be able to describe it as I see it and how God sees it. Who knows but until then I should work on not procrastinating and wasting time. Great... well at least I have the one who never rests with me.