Out In the Open

To be or not to be? This is the famous question that Shakespeare posed. I would like to take this question up a notch. To be vulnerable or not to be vulnerable? That is the real question. Throughout life's winding journey I cannot help but sometimes wonder: 

Why am I so often afraid to show my vulnerability? 

Vulnerability in essence is risk. It is bearing all leaving oneself open to many things including criticism, rejection, love, hurt, or empathy.
It can leave us at risk of getting hurt or feeling rejected and yet at the same time it can leave room for someone to give support and kindness.


Are the benefits of being vulnerable worth the risk? 

I named my blog Beautifully Vulnerable. For there is a desire to be open with my readers and to be open with myself. As I have written this blog, I have already decided to shed some layers. This specific post, however, will shed a layer that not many have seen out of my fear of being vulnerable. But here it goes...

I cannot stand walls and facades of many forms. Trying to take down walls can create more exhaustion. It also causes one to feel closed in. Essentially, keeping our emotional guard up can often create a false sense of security. The masks that we wear to look whole on the outside cause us to crumble on the inside. We often can miss out on deeper connection.

I cannot help but realize my own walls that I've put up to "protect" my vulnerable self. I have used many walls to keep people at a distance, to hide my weaknesses. For a long time, I used walls in my relationships to weed out the bad ones and see who would fight to tear the walls down to get to the real me. The problem is I have started to realize I have kept myself closed off to deeper intimacy. I put up the walls to hide my weaknesses and to only allow my vulnerability to be seen by the ones deserving. As a result, I probably missed out.

Isn't it ironic that many think expressing emotion makes one weak when in actuality holding it inside causes one to suffer? Therefore, due to recent circumstances, I am being forced to reconsider my position on vulnerability. 

Is vulnerability something to avoid or embrace? 

This past week someone close to me has been forced to be vulnerable. Everything is in the open. He suffered a stroke and did not get a choice to hide behind walls.  He automatically became vulnerable. His ability to control emotion was lessened so was his ability to keep things private. I've seen the hospital staff try to keep their patient's privacy and dignity, all knowing that there is a certain amount of dignity that is already lost. When one cannot utter what one wishes to say then one is left frustrated. The individual is automatically forced to express emotions that are uncomfortable often through the shedding of tears. Awkward silence is inevitable. No one in the room knows what to say. We were all thinking it has to be hard on him. Yet no one really understood how many layers of himself he was truly showing. Did anyone appreciate his genuine expression of emotion?
Yes, I dare say his vulnerability caused all of us to drop our guard and let the tears fall.  It does not have to mean weakness. Being vulnerable takes courage. It requires us to be out in the open and have faith that it will be okay.  We all grew in openness and gained strength by willing to be 'engaged with our vulnerability' as the renowned research professor Brene Brown puts it. To be vulnerable together deepens our connection to each other.

I write this from a broken place of seeing someone who kept much hidden within himself now on the tightrope of vulnerability. He cannot turn back. He must face the discomfort and risk of being vulnerable head on. He has always been a strong man. I have always seen that he is a fighter. Now, I see a different kind of strength altogether. He has courage to face his family and try to smile even though I am sure everything within him is crumbling. His walls are down and he is faced with the truth that he has to relearn many skills that many of us take for granted such as eating, walking, and speaking. It is heartbreaking and yet he knows, deep down, that he is loved for who he is. All of him. He can be vulnerable and know it is not judged. He is accepted and loved.

He is not out in the open alone. Jesus himself was vulnerable exposed to the world. He knows firsthand how it feels. His exposure and vulnerability gave us the ability to turn to him when we are afraid and when we are hurting. We can express our pain and know we are not alone.

I have learned these past few days that vulnerability is not easy, but it is worth it. It causes us to be empathetic and to build genuine relationship. It is a decision to not hold back and to not let fear win.   I cannot say I am never embarrassed or that I don't ever want to retreat and hide. What I am saying is that I am striving to see the beauty in vulnerability. I have much to learn. I am definitely no expert on this subject. I will, however, continue to create openness and dare to be more out in the open in all areas of my life. I have started today. I hope it inspires many of you to allow your own vulnerability to deepen your connections with people.

Twenty Four Reasons to Be Grateful

To those who know me it's not uncommon for me to post personal musings. Tomorrow is another day to note in this blog. One it is Friday. I love Fridays and they seem to love me. So the fact that my birthday falls on a Friday this year just makes me thankful already. I decided though that I needed to take a solid post and reflect on the 24th year of my life. It has been rather a difficult one so I thought I would also focus on the positives. This list is full of people I am blessed to have in my life and also full of things that I am grateful to possess. I must warn you it is a long list but worth the read. Who knows maybe you are on it ;)

1)  The first and most important reason to be thankful is that this year has taken my relationship with God to a whole another level. I have seen his power and grace and love manifest in ways I haven't experienced until this year. While I was in Malawi he showed me just how far His love stretches to His beloved children. He taught me to serve and he brought me even deeper into humility. I have gained more intimacy and I know He will continue to take me into even deeper depths. I am becoming a valiant, empowered, and flourishing young woman and I can't even imagine what God has in store for me this next season.

2)  I have also developed some healthy and strong relationships with people which have truly flourished this season. I am grateful for the opportunities to be connected to people and feel their hurt, their joy and celebrate with them in their victories. No man is an island. We all need each other. I am glad I have people in my corner. 

3)  To all my family I love and appreciate you. I pray that we all continue to grow together and that our investment in each other reaps good things for decades to come. 

4) I am blown away this year by everyone's generosity as I traveled to Malawi to work with orphans and families struggling due to poverty and other challenging circumstances. Thanks to those who provided financial support, encouragement and continued prayers. I was blessed to be part of the bigger picture. I have seen many lives renewed with hope, peace and unwavering love. Many lives encountered the love of Christ and I saw many people find faith. I have seen the power of giving and being willing to invest into God's kingdom. Every bit counts. It has an eternal impact that we may not see until we get to Heaven.

5) I am thankful for yoga and Chai tea. It has been a truly wonderful thing this season of constant change and challenges to have these simple pleasures. 

6) I am thankful for patience I receive when I get lost or lose my way. Now I try to rely on instinct, prayer and then of course the GPS ;)

7) My bible study group has been a true blessing this season. It is a place where my vulnerabilities are embraced and not judged. I have found peace of mind and I have developed a more intimate worship with my Heavenly Father. The people I have met there have become a part of my inner circle. They all have a special piece of my heart. I am grateful to all of them for sharing their time, their heart and their talent with me. 

8) All the coffee dates this year have made this list. I'm always thankful for caffeine but mostly I am thankful for the conversations. Many laughs, a few tears and great wisdom came with every cup.

9) My dog Budderball is a true gift that God has used to grow my patience, help me remain active and fit, and to help me to put other's needs before my own. You are a great friend. I'll always look forward to your cuddles. 

10) My sister Sarah requires a place on this list. She keeps me on my toes and she is always at my side when I need her. She'll never really know how much the little things she does matter to me. She is a great friend, support and Starbucks buddy. Thank you Sarah for bearing with me through all the craziness this year has put us through. You are truly one of a kind. :D

11) My Momma and I have gone through a lot this year so she definitely deserves a quick shout out. Thank you for your patience and for your prayerful heart. I'm blessed because of your sacrifice and all the time you invest into being a mother. You better tell dad that he's got a good catch ;) Seriously though keep being you and trust that God is doing a great work in and through you. 

Had an amazing time with you at the concert :D

12) I am very thankful for days I can sleep in. I don't think I will ever be a morning person!

13) Thank you dad and I and for being great gentlemen and for being patient with me when I change things in the kitchen last minute :D

14) I am thankful for sunsets and for days of beautiful views painted by the Creator. I have glimpsed true beauty this season in the midst of dark times. 

15) I am thankful for my girl Shirley. She keeps me smiling even when it is tough to see the good.  She won't let me sit in self pity. I love her to pieces. Her homemade soup always makes me feel better and I always look forward to our drives together. 

16) I am thankful for both of my jobs. I gained new skills, gained a rockin body and I  gained a lot of wisdom about life and people. It has been tough at times, but I know I have gained endurance and more money in the bank.

17)  My friends Mike and Donna are amazing people that I have met this season. Donna has been helping me to find gluten free options. It has been a tough adjustment to make. I am definitely not perfect. I have my cheat days but she helps me find the joy in eating healthy. She is full of heart and passion and I am honored to have her and her husband in my close circle of trust. 

18) Arbonne has been a great addition in my life. I truly have appreciated their healthy living tips and products. I have noticed a difference in my skin, my health and in my lifestyle. I am blessed to have an amazing Independent Consultant who helps me to find what's best for me and within my budget. Char you totally rock my world! You help me feel like health and good well-being is doable. You inspire me to dream big, to set achievable goals and to trust Jesus with the wheel of my life. Thank you for your generosity, and for the investment you make in my life.  I hope I bring something to your life as you bring something special to mine. I am honored to be able to celebrate with you as you enter a new season of success in your business. Looking forward to making new memories with you this year! Hugs :)

19) Scott and Anastassia, you both bring me so much joy! You are amazing leaders and friends. Thanks for your continued support and for truly helping me navigate this crazy season. You are both amazing parents and I know that God will continue to use you and your family to make an eternal impact. Love you both! 

20) To my friend Katie, I honestly don't even the know the right words to express my gratitude for our friendship. You continue to push me to be stronger and to not give up. You have helped me on the tough days and you bring so much joy to my life. I am looking forward to many more adventures together this holiday season. I am glad we can lean on each other and know we have each other's back. Love you girl! Keep shining and light up the dark places around you. Big hugs <3 font="">

21)  I am grateful to those who have loved me and who have taken the time to know me deeply. No matter where you are you have the memories and you have a piece of me. I am who I am today because of all that I have lost, given, and all I have gained throughout the seasons. I know God will take you amazing places and I hope one day I can see where God took you in your life and I will see the bigger picture. 

22) A silly new love of mine is the love of loose leaf tea. Thank you Amanda for introducing me to it and for all the cups you made for me while I stayed with you and your grandparents. I am truly blessed to have met you. I hope our friendship grows throughout this season and that we can see each other through new milestones.  Miss you already!

23) The country lifestyle that I got to glimpse in Kindersley Saskatchewan is something I never knew I wanted. I am grateful for country hospitality, movie nights and hot tub moments. I hope I get to revisit the bliss of the country soon. Thankful for the good times with great people nonetheless :D

24) I was lucky to see Carrie Underwood in concert this year with my sis, my mom and my aunt Audrey. I had a blast and I am grateful for times with family and for country nights and sushi days. So many simple things in life I am grateful for and honestly there are way too many to list. The ones I mentioned are some that came to me instantly. 

If I missed mentioning you by name know that it is not on purpose. I have so many people that its impossible to name everyone. I do appreciate you and I am sure you will hear it more often this year. Thank you to all those who read this whole list. I hope I inspire many of you to create your own list of reasons why you are grateful. It does help change your perspective and help you see the good things in life amidst the bad. I know I am full of love and gratitude and that I am ready to embrace a new birthday year. 25 here I come!

The Ebbs and Flows of Life

The waves brushed against the shoreline. It was approximately 6:30 in the morning. The sun was making its daily appearance and the hues of orange were displayed across the sky. The waves were delighting my heart with a rhythmic beat that instantly brought me to a peaceful place. Just a few days had passed since I had heard that we would be heading to Lake Malawi. It felt bittersweet. The children I had worked with had said their goodbyes. They had gave me their gifts of laughter and loving embraces. The ministries were all wrapped up and I knew the trip was coming to an end. I knew I'd be boarding a plane and taking with me all that I learned and all that I experienced with me to my spheres of influence. I knew the journey was going to leave me with sadness and joy. I would want to stay and I would have to fight the impulse to postpone my flight and stay a few more weeks, maybe even a few more months. God knew this inner conflict would occur. He knew that as I would walk the shoreline of Lake Malawi I would sense this chapter of my life was drawing closer to to an end. He knew.

It is no surprise then that I came face to face with the truth as I watched the waves crash against the dry land in which I stood.  My feet were tip toeing in the shallow pool that the dip by the boat created. My hair brushing against my face and my skirt gently flowing in the warm breeze. I could hear a gentle whisper. A whisper I have come to know quite well over the years as I have walked with my Saviour. The gentle whisper beckoned, "Be still and wait upon the Lord".  So I waited... and I waited. Nothing at first came to light.

See, I have a problem with patience. I like things to happen when I want them to happen. I want God to just get to the point sometimes and tell me what I want to know. Of course God, in is his infinite grace, waited as I struggled to be still. It is like He knows that I struggle not to talk and to just do nothing. He also knows that I get distracted easily. My God knows me inside and out. I knew that God would wait for me to pay attention. I decided to take some time and quiet myself. I needed to take out the distractions and still my mind.

I settled into a gentle stroll along the beach listening for the whisper. My eyes were heavily fixed on the waves that flooded into my viewpoint. The churning and the noise they made as they encountered the anchored boat had me transfixed. In a moment, I knew my Saviour wanted to write something on my heart...

There will be ebbs and flows throughout your lifetime. Every season of your life will bring its highs and lows. My love for you will remain the same. I AM steady and consistent. I do not change as the currents or tides. Everything else may fade or change in time, but I will remain. My love for you is steadfast. It is anchored to you. It will keep you from being swayed to and fro as the currents in your life try to carry you further away from me. No matter where you go I AM and I will always BE with you. Nothing can separate you from my love. No storm will drown you. As you leave Malawi, you will feel My presence going with you. 

You will be aware of My constant love for you and it will propel you into the destiny I have for you. 

Tears streamed down my face as burdens were lifted. I didn't need to know the grand plan in order to be obedient and follow Him. I knew right then that His Spirit would go with me no matter where I would end up. I know nothing as to where I will be heading next, what job I will hold, or who I will meet. All I know and all I can trust in is the love of my Saviour. He reminds me constantly that He goes with me and that I will not drown in life's storms. No matter what comes my way I know I am anchored by His love and He will sustain me. There may be another ebb and flow ahead, but I am not afraid. I will seek His love and He alone will carry me to the next place He has prepared for me.

Declare His promise over your life:

I am rooted and established in love and by His Spirit I have power. I can trust His Spirit to reveal to me how wide, how long, how high, and how deep Christ's love is for me. His love surpasses all knowledge and I will be be filled to the measure of all of the fullness of God. 
(Based on Ephesians 3:17) NIV.

Lake Malawi 2016
All pictures taken by Chantal McDougall 

At the Foot of the Grave

Raised to Life- Elevation Worship

What do you do when you feel like you are running on empty? Everyone is counting on you to be their support. Everyone is expecting your best. All you see is that you are running on empty and running low on time. You are lacking finesse and you clearly feel drained from trying to keep pressing on. Do you still try to do it all knowing something will eventually fall through the cracks? Or do you fall to your knees and cry "Abba Father"?

I have come to know what it means to be empty and at my end. This past week I have heard the moans of hunger. I have seen exhaustion take its toll on the students that ACTION is sponsoring. The school visits took more from me than expected. I heard the issues in the education system and I have seen the lack in proper resources and staff that the schools are trying to work with. I heard the complaints and the cries of the headmaster for more students to be sponsored. He said, " There are so many students like the ones you have already seen today that are also struggling and they feel helpless. They need a helping hand." His words caught me and I left not knowing what to reply. I think I mumbled we will keep praying for more resources.  

Can you imagine hearing so many groans and not having the resources to give to fix the problems? 

I have seen hungry children with distended stomachs and all I could do was pray for them and offer what little food we could give to them. Every school visit revealed a food shortage and it revealed that many students are walking miles and miles to get to school every day on an empty stomach. It took everything in me to not cry. So I gave them all I could give, encouragement from the Bible. I showed them the book of life that keeps giving and never goes empty.

Every visit ended with praying for the students, the school, and the staff. We prayed that God would continue to provide the strength to press forward and keep striving towards their goals. We prayed for endurance and for God’s will to be done in their lives. We could not feed them. All we could do in that moment was take their picture and remind them that they have prayer warriors praying for them and believing in faith with them. Honestly, it didn’t feel like enough. I know the word was food for their souls but I really wanted to feed their stomaches too. How does one leave people hungry?

For weeks now it has been difficult to eat. I have dealt with stomach issues and a deep sense of hunger that food does not satisfy. The pain of knowing people all around me are working ten times harder than necessary just to eat and provide for their families was too much for me to bear alone. All I could do was fall on my knees and cry out God to bear the burden with me. I couldn’t change anything overnight. I knew I would have to depend on the one who has the bigger picture in front of Him, who knows every detail and every problem of everyone. I had to trust my Abba Father. So I ran into my room, shut the door and poured out my cries to Him. I let every tear fall. I didn’t hold back.

God has given me a new set of eyes to see the brokenness around me. Any ignorance is gone. I no longer have the right to ignore the issues. If I cannot fix the problem I can pray. I can ask God to show me the ones around me who need to see the light that is within me. I can share the gospel, meet the needs I can meet and trust God to see His plan fulfilled. To reach one’s end you must be willing to admit you cannot bear the burden(s) on your own.

 This Good Friday I am reminded of the burdens Christ took upon his back. He took my yoke. All my sin and shame and sickness was upon Him. By His wounds I am healed (Isaiah 53:5-6). He took it all so that I can live in the freedom and grace He provided with his resurrection.  He did it for you as well. He did it for us all. 

This is the hope of the world. He came to save us. He provided the way to eternal life free from poverty, sickness, shame and other consequences of evil. Let’s rejoice this weekend and praise God that we have a hope in this life here on Earth. We can come and drink of living water and never thirst again. We can exist within this world but be set apart. Praise God and rejoice for Christ is raised from the grave! He overcame death so we can experience life abundant. Let’s not waste this precious gift.

If you are feeling empty this week come before your God. Put yourself in the mindset in which you are sitting at the foot of the grave. You see the stone rolled away and like Mary Magdalene you are first afraid. However, then the Lord’s presence sits with you and reminds you of the truth: Your Saviour is Risen! He is ever waiting. He wants to forgive you, bless you and make you whole. He will take your burdens and renew your strength. He loves you! He wants to raise you to life! This is the Good News that we have the privilege of sharing with others!

Please do enjoy the family dinners and have a splendid weekend celebrating, Just remember to take some time this weekend to remember what Christ has done for you. Let us not forget no matter where we are that we can live victoriously! We can be at the foot of the grave and see the glorious empty tomb. Death was defeated. We are alive in Christ and we can rest assured He is still greater than anything we face. 

Chantal

Resurrecting (Live)- Elevation Worship

God's Whispers

This month I have seen God do multiple things here in Malawi. He has used me as a mouthpiece to speak his truth to the children in the feeding programs. We have covered Daniel and the lion's den and the truth that God wants us to be obedient and serve him no matter what. As we do he will love and protect us and be with us as we go through the trials in life. We have discussed the importance of loving others and being generous. I have shown these children that God loves each of them and is providing for them. They need not be afraid. As a result, I have seen children become more hungry for God's word. Their attention span has increased. Their desire to learn is increasing as well. My heart knows that I am leaving these children soon, but it is reminded that they are not leaving empty. They are full of God's truth and love. The teachers will continue to fill them up. 

I can hear God whisper to me,

“I am with them. These are my children who I care for deeply. I will not let any harm come to them.”

Another area that God has been working in over here in Malawi is the women's ministry. My team and I have been working to teach the widows and mothers and we have been sharing God's word with them and His love. We have seen women be renewed, strengthened and become more confident in their ability to teach each other the Word. They have grown hungry for God's word so we started a bible study on Thursday's at the church on the rock. We are teaching them about prayer and how they can draw closer to God daily. I know God has been working in the hearts of these people. I can see their enthusiasm to learn more. Last Thursday I heard another slight whisper, 

“I will do a work in their lives. Your job is to keep sharing my Word with my people. I will do the rescuing.” 

This gave me great confidence and peace of mind knowing that as we keep teaching and sharing the gospel and God's word with the people we will see God produce the fruit. He will transform lives and change wrong thinking and negative attitudes. It's not my responsibility to make the changes. Sometimes as missionaries we can feel the burden to make a great difference in the countries we minister to. I was reminded that we make an impact as we allow God to do the changing and we do the listening and obeying. He is clearly ready to do the transformation as we speak His truth. These women are growing in the knowledge of the Word of God and seeing more of who God is. This is important work that will continue when I leave. These women are truly a blessing to be around and they have taught me a lot about humility. I will miss them when I leave next month.

God has constantly been whispering over me throughout this time in Malawi 

“ I am with you no matter where you go.” 

He has been reminding me of His extraordinary love and that I can depend on Him and trust in Him with my life. Malawi is a country that has revealed to me a desperation for more of the gospel, for more eternal truths. The fact is the life expectancy for a Malawian is much less, sometimes only up to 45 years of age. The Malawians know time on Earth is short. They work so hard to live and survive. God has shown me that their need is not just for food and money. It is for His truth, that is eternal and life giving. It is hope for them. Being here in Malawi has shown me that God cares about every individual. He wants to give each one the opportunity to spend eternal life with Him in his Kingdom. God is working to build His kingdom and He is looking for workers. I am one of His chosen workers. What I do through Him and his strength will make a lasting impact. It could be just for one person. It could be for an entire family. It could be an impact that is seen by many. What is most important is that the impact that is made is eternal. The gospel gives eternal hope to those who believe.

I know that even as I leave Malawi I will never truly know the impact that the missionaries are making here. Only God knows. I am at peace knowing I have been obedient and am ready to do His will, whatever that may be for the remainder of the time I am here. I am not a tourist. I am not a life-changer. I am simply a humble servant of Christ ready and willing to do as He desires. We all need to remember we have been chosen and called to be like Christ, to love like him and to do His will for our lives. We are not our own. We belong to Christ.

I have many opportunities to learn from the local people and to serve them. The Malawian culture and the people here have imparted something to me that I will end with:

No one is an island. Everyone needs someone. 

I cannot do what God has asked of me without the prayers and support from all of you. You make an impact here with your prayers and never forget that prayer is a powerful weapon that God uses. The enemy is real here. It has a force here that I have seen through some of the rituals and practices here in the village. Witch craft is a dominant practice with many of the women. We need to not let our praying knees get lazy. 

Please pray that God's truth will set these women free from the shackles that have enslaved them. Please keep praying that my light shines bright in the dark places here. Pray for wisdom and strength in the following weeks as the schedule is packed with ministry and other important things. Please pray that my team and I remain obedient and do His will with our time remaining. We all want to see His will done and know that we did all that we were asked to do. Another prayer request I have for the prayer warriors among you, pray that the men of Malawi become courageous and serve God and their families with a humble heart. Many men in the village are leaving their wives and children to marry another wife or run away from responsibilities. It is a sad reality here. 

Lastly keep praying that God keeps me healthy and determined to finish what I need to do here in Malawi.  It is easy to feel defeated or feel like you aren't doing anything worthwhile. So please keep praying for God's truth to be heard and for me to be reminded that my team and I are doing what God has asked us to do and He will do the transforming work, even if we don't see the change visible. 

I have seen faithful, courageous men, women, and children here. I know God has his own army fighting for Malawi here. He has a plan and He will fulfill it.

I love all of you and miss everyone back home so much. Thanks for all your prayers and support. I wanted to send pictures but ran out of data. So once I get more I'll post some to my Facebook page. Thanks for your patience :)

Sincerely,

Chantal

Church on the Rock

Photo Cred: Joshua V.

This past week Sarah, Josh and I traveled to the feeding center that is found on top of a giant rock. It is quite the sight. Even as the rains made an appearance, the children were calling 'Azungu' and running down to greet us. It never ceases to amaze me how happy they are to see us every time. There weren't many children at first when we arrived. The ones that were sitting were giving us the quizzical look that were asking 'who are you and what are you here for?' I don't blame them. We are three Azungus who don't speak much Chichewa and who are clearly happy to be there even still. We decided to break out our cameras to break the silence and take some pictures of them while we were waiting for the children to arrive for the program. 

Here are some pictures of this attempt to get them to smile:

Photo Cred: Joshua V.

Photo Cred: Chantal M.

Inside the church I saw that the widows were arriving. Some of them looked like they had already had an exhausting day in the hot sun. I was hoping that they would be fed not just with food but also with more of God's word. They all needed something to hold onto. We greeted each of them and saw their smiles make an appearance as we showed them honor. The cooks were also busy getting the food prepared. I greeted each of them as they saw me and made contact. Truth is it is hard to imagine how hard they work just to be able to help others get fed. They always eat last. It reminds me of the truth that in the kingdom the last will be first. These women remind me how important it is to serve and put others before yourself. They always look so happy to serve. It is a beautiful sight. Here are a few of the ladies at the program who help out:

Photo Cred: Chantal M.

As the children shuffled in and Sarah began to introduce us I started to see that some of these children were also carrying younger ones with them. An older sibling has much more responsibility here in Malawi than in Canada. These older children not only watch the younger ones but carry them everywhere, share their food and make sure their younger ones are behaving. They are a second mother and father. These older siblings are weighted with a responsibility that most Canadian children don't have even as they grow up. I am always humbled when I see an infant carried on the backs of a sister as she still participates in the program, in the games, and as she eats. Here is a great picture that shows what I mean:

Photo Cred: Joshua V.

God has been working in the hearts of these young children. They constantly memorize scripture and are being taught from the bible by their teachers (who are volunteers). It is amazing to see so many children excited to learn more about Jesus and the bible. We gave them all candy at one point after a skittles object lesson. Seeing them each cherish their gift was a blessing for us. One piece of fruity gum made each of them smile from ear to ear. The widows, cooks, and volunteers were all smiling. Everyone at the center left fed and satisfied. Each person was grateful for our visit. So much gratitude.

Outside as we were getting ready to leave I saw some children who clearly wanted to say "Bo (Hi) "to us now that they weren't as shy. I decided to take a picture with one of them. As soon as the other widows and children saw the camera they all wanted to join in. I went from one child to a multitude of people surrounding me. It was wonderful. Here is a picture of all of them excited to pose:

Photo Cred: Joshua V.

Josh also experienced the feeling of being part of the multitude ;)

Photo Cred: Chantal M.

Afterwards, I wanted to play with them. So I decided to initiate a game of tag. I acted as if I couldn't run far and then tickled children. Each child saw this and began to laugh and they understood. After a few minutes I had caught a few of them and some of them even hid. It was so cute. Pictures are shown here:

Photo Cred: Joshua V.

Photo Cred: Joshua V.

This church on a mountain is clearly full of Christ. It is not going anywhere. The people are faithful, and hungry for more of Christ. I am so glad we had the opportunity to meet with them. It was a wonderful day and I left full of gratitude and love. The scenery is a huge bonus ;)

Lost Sheep

Some of you have asked or wondered what I see as the purpose of being here in Malawi. Truth is up until a few days ago I wasn't sure myself. I was looking for something concrete I could do here. I wanted to know I did something important and left the people with something significant. In all honesty, I wanted to be seen as someone who did amazing things for God while I was here. As much as that is not a bad thing, God wanted to deepen my perspective.

He brought my attention to the parable of the lost sheep. God started whispering to my heart as I would look out the windows of the minibus onto the red, dusty streets of the region. He whispered,

 “You see the ninety-nine, and you easily forget to look for the lost sheep. They all matter to me. Every single person here matters to me. Not one is less significant than another.”

     This caught my attention. My God cared about every single one. No wonder how overwhelmed I was when I saw all the hurting and the hungry. He has given me compassion for every single one. God loves all his sheep each one of us. We are all equal to him. He came and found me when I was lost and hurting. He rescued me. 

How then could I not go and help rescue his lost sheep? How could I ever again sit idle?

     The ride up yesterday to one of the villages felt lengthy. The sweat upon my brow was nothing in comparison to the heat of bodies crammed into one average-sized van. The many stops to grab more people gave me time to really look at what I could see outside my window. I noticed some women carrying produce on their heads, produce that they would sell in the scorching sun throughout the day. I noticed men arguing on the side of the road by the mini bus across the street. I noticed children laughing in the streets in their torn up skirts as they walked past the mini bus that I was on. They could have been laughing at me but it did not matter. They were laughing. It was a joy to see. As we drove, I noticed women who had no shoes walking along the hot, rocky road. Along the way I saw young boys herding goats. Were they one of the lost sheep? How can one tell who is lost?

     A short while later we arrived at the Gomeya Feeding Center. We were immediately greeted by the pastor and were told to sit inside. He was beaming. As we entered the darkened room I saw many faces of the widows and children intent on figuring out who we white folk were. Each child was attempting to focus on the teacher in the front of the room who was talking about the story of Noah. Our translator had not yet arrived. I couldn't understand what was being taught and we were just sitting there waiting. So of course, I went back to wondering who were the lost...

Who did God want to rescue today?

     I stepped outside feeling discouraged needing a moment to think without being a distraction. I was struggling. Need was all around me. All Malawians need something. They either need more food, more shelter, more medicine, or more definitively more money. Everyone seems to want something from us. I cannot meet every need. I know that. Yet, I couldn't help but feel discouraged. I didn't even know the language. How much could I really accomplish here in Malawi?

Again God whispered, 

“I care about every one of them. I will send you to the ones that I want you to reach. You will be responsible for giving them my love and the message that I came to save them.”

At once, a peace washed over me. I looked around and I realized God was taking us missionaries exactly to where we needed to be. He would use us wherever we were. He would touch whoever we met in the way he wanted to. We would be making an impact simply by being obedient and sharing his love with people we came across. He would give us words to speak and his strength to go and complete the mission.

I started to realize there outside the tiny church building that God wants me to be obedient and be present where I am. He would fulfill the need. He would do the rescuing. I just need to be willing and obedient to his call. 

Soon our translator arrived. We began to pray with the coordinator. We prayed over the center and all the people in it. We prayed that God would have his way there. I was then blessed to be able to lead a lesson to the children and widows about the heart of our Heavenly Father. I shared with them the love of God and asked them if they would like to receive Him and his love into their hearts. I know that many in that room received Christ. My heart was full of joy. We all started to dance and sing and I could tell that angels were rejoicing with us.

God clearly was glorified. My team and I were seeing the fruits of the lesson. Seeing the joy on their faces gave us encouragement to keep going. Every child is worth it. Every widow, pastor or person in that room was worth it. I’ll never truly know the impact we had on them and what God was doing in each of their hearts. However, it felt good to know that God was using us to be His witnesses. There’s no greater purpose than to be used by God in whatever capacity. It is a true blessing.

All the sheep were taken care of that day. 

No one was left behind.